


Under Cover

by Fiercest



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gina's special brand of advice, Jake's special brand of freakout, Jewish Character, Jewish Jake, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, but also cultural stuff, in that everything is the same except soulmates exist, well... semi au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-05-12 17:48:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5675014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiercest/pseuds/Fiercest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is born with their soulmate’s name tattooed on their back. Some people spend their lives looking for their other half; some people ignore it completely. </p><p>Jake isn’t a believer, but finds that he desperately wants to be. Amy believes in destiny, but wishes that she didn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. None of Your Beeswax

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by 'I'm Thinking it's a Sign' by Talking_Bird which reminded me that soulmate AUs exist. Yay!
> 
> Also; I have run out of B99 fic. I love it all so much.

It was four years into their partnership when Jake Peralta asked Amy Santiago about the name on her back. This line of inquiry is universally considered Very Rude.

A person’s tattoo is sacred. It’s place on the left side of the spine and over the heart is private and almost never seen. Some people cover themselves up with the flesh colored patches sold in every pharmacy. Amy is the sort of woman who is always prim, proper and buttoned up to her neck, so she never feels a need unless someone’s going to see her naked.

“So who’s the special guy? Is it a John or Mark?” Amy opens her mouth to reply but it promptly cut off. “Both equally boring.”

“Shut up Peralta,” she grits through her teeth. It’s a bit of a sore subject for her.

“If I tell you, will you tell me?”

Amy rolls her eyes and returns to filling out her case reports. “This is not information I need or want.”

“Come on, this is so juicy. Trust me, you want to know.”

Sensing that Jake will not give up unless she relents and feeling an urgency to end the conversation, Amy purposefully closes the file in front of her and gives him her full attention.

“Mine is in another language. So, they’re probably halfway around the world and I will never meet them so…yeah. Whatever. Are you happy now?”

“Bummer,” replies Jake, smile unwavering. “Totally called that you’d need someone from a totally different continent to put up with you.” He feels instantly a little bad about this comment. After all, the US is a melting pot or something; there are tons of people from other cultures here, especially in New York. Maybe she’s kidding and it was a Spanish name.

“Mine’s a guy’s name,” he tells her with a big stupid grin on his face.

Amy rolls her eyes at his blatant lie and pointedly reopens her file.

 “No, really. I swear.”

“Stop.”

“Maybe she’s a trans woman? Or maybe in the future boys and girls names will flip! I’ll only meet her when I’m like super old and she’ll be 20 and smoking hot. I’ll be filthy rich and after my wife passes I hire her as a nanny to take care of my three adorable kids. Then she’ll teach me to love again and we’ll get married.”

Amy, having sensed that she has totally lost him to his delusions, gets up to get a cup of coffee. He accommodates by yelling his tale loudly so the whole precinct becomes privy to their conversation.

Soulmates are a sensitive talk for a lot of people, but not everyone.

Rosa Diaz, for example, has a name tattooed on her back. It’s a lame, super common name written in neat curlicues. She does not care to meet him, is missing nothing from her life. Her dating life is going just fine without the help. Rosa keeps her beige name covers right beside the condoms in the saddlebag of her motorcycle.

She’s not alone. Many people actively choose not to seek out their soulmate. They’re content with the people they’re with.

 Charles Boyle’s back now bears a different name than it did ten years ago. Around that time the name Lula vanished, replaced by Genevieve. This happens from time to time, when someone dies. He went through a period of mourning that was more than suitable for a woman he never knew.

The squad will never learn this, but their future captain, Raymond Holt, does not have a name over his heart. Kevin does, but it is not his. They chose each other and in his vows Raymond said that their union was all the more beautiful for having the choice.

 

* * *

 

Fast-forward to 2015 and Jake’s arms are encircling Amy, pulling her close to him in the dimness of the evidence lockup. She kisses him the way she does everything, with precision, care and skill. His chest is on fire, in a good way, this thing that he feels is suddenly devouring him whole and he _never wants to stop._

“Okay,” Amy whispers against his lips as he caresses her hip and shoulder.

“Okay!” he replies enthusiastically.

And suddenly nothing will ever be the same again.


	2. What's the Deal With Dating?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are unspoken rules when dating in this world.

Here’s the thing about dating in a world where everyone knows their true love is out there waiting for them: there are certain social contracts and norms one must enter into if they don’t want to be a complete douchebag about it.

Because there are two kinds of people who date Other People: people who are looking to have fun in the meantime and people who, for whatever reason (disinterest, disbelief, impossibilities etc.), are looking for someone to spend their life with.

Placeholders or partners. It’s very important to be very clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Even still, it’s dangerous to date. Anything can happen.

When she was seventeen she introduced herself to an upperclassman named Eric. He was one of those guys who wasn’t super smart but didn’t slack either. He didn’t play sports and he didn’t participate in any other extra curricular activities. He worked at Blockbuster because he got cheap rentals on videogames. 

And he thought that Amy was the greatest thing to ever happen to him. She couldn’t explain it. He would carry her books, sit with her in the library while playing on his Gameboy and offer her rides home from school.

He blushed when she, having been the butt of more than a few jokes, confronts him about whatever weird prank this has got to be. Admittedly, she should have waited until his shift was over.

“My tattoo says Amelia,” he mumbled with chagrin, staring at the counter that separated them.

Amy, at the time, did not understand the gravity of feelings that come with looking for your Soulmate. She was seventeen, she was compiling binders full of potential colleges, she was writing outlines of potential application essays. She was uninterested in dating anyone. She didn’t even know what language her Tattoo was supposed to be. She didn’t need anyone to make her complete, she was a whole person all her own.

(Eventually, in a fit of romanticism during her junior year of college, she approaches one of the professors from the linguistics department. After a few months she decides (with her roommate Kylie’s prompting) that maybe actually learning the language her True Love speaks wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world. Even if she never meets him.

Amy takes lots of language courses in college. She feigns an interest in Greek and Latin so that people don’t ask.)

“Amy isn’t short for anything,” she lied.

“Oh. Sorry.” What he didn’t tell her is that Rebecca, a friend of his was in her gym class. When they were changing in the locker rooms she had seen the Tattoo.

Rebecca and Eric knew each other from Afternoon School at a nearby synagogue. ‘Yitzhak’ is written in neat, cursive Hebrew. The teacher, Morah Feldman always insisted that they address each other by their Hebrew names and Yitzhak was Eric’s. Rebecca, or ‘Rivka’, had told him immediately.

Eric, upon reflection, realized that maybe it was weird that it was ‘Yitzhak’ written on her back instead of Eric. 

He left her alone after that. They had nothing in common, why would they remain friends?

* * *

Terry chose not to date at all until he met Sharon. Terry loves love for a reason. The world let him find her early.  

* * *

 

Rosa never believed in soulmates. Stupid and sentimental. Screw that noise. But she did believe in love. And fun.

When she was twenty and visiting family back in Argentina, Rosa met Manny.

He was attractive.

Then he told her that he was into her because his Tattoo said Rosa.

There are a million Rosas, most of them are from Argentina.

She dumps him with far less kindness or consideration than she does Marcus, a decade later.

 

 

* * *

 

Jake also did not believe in soulmates. He was the kind of Dater who dated to find a partner. He didn’t need to look for his name on someone’s back to find forever. Sophia had said the same of herself.

For a while, it was really really good.

When she dumped him she said a whole slew of things about incompatibility, his behavior in front of her boss, fading attraction. And those things were all true and reasonable. 

But mostly, it was because there was a new paralegal at work. His name was Andrew Xing and maybe Sophia believed in soulmates after all.

 

* * *

 

“So we broke a rule.”

“Yeah… I hope it wasn’t a mistake,” Amy groans, feeling guilty about how not guilty she feels.

“ _I Hope It Wasn’t a Mistake_ : title of your sex tape…” he gasps suddenly. “TITLE OF _OUR_ SEX TAPE!”

Making sure she’s still covered by the sheets she turns to look at him properly and a shy smile spreads across her lips as she looks at the expression of abject astonishment and excitement on his face. You’d think he’d just seen the Captain breakdance or something!

She feels the immediate need to engage his mouth in more worthy pursuits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of Rosa's part? I tried to translate her bluntness.
> 
> I'm also taking a different route than most soulmate aus. I want to communicate the importance of choice in a world where your partner is chosen for you before you even meet them. Hope you enjoy that interpretation!


	3. Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy and Jake find love. It's fucking terrifying.

Amy had picked up a few things over the years: Hebrew names are largely ceremonial, most of them are more culturally than religiously Jewish and they tend to marry within the faith.

She also learned that Yitzhak is Hebrew for Isaac.

When Amy turned 26 she joined JDate, a Jewish dating site. She went on three dates with three separate men. Two of them were named Isaac.

It was a fruitless exercise and an irrational indulgence that Amy had never been prone to. She hadn’t yet turned 27 when she decided that it was pointless to live her life waiting for someone who might never show up.

Teddy was an experiment of sorts. She wondered if she was capable of love. Amy Santiago was a reluctant romantic lead. It was not that she lacked passion, anyone who spent an extended amount of time with her could glean that Amy could become riled about even the most banal concepts.

Her platonic relationships; mentors, friendships and family were huge, consuming loves. And yet Amy was incapable of throwing herself into a romantic relationship.

Consequently, she dated a lot.

She did not know what she was looking for but she knew what she _didn’t_ want.

And with Teddy the lines blurred. She liked him. They had a lot in common. She got the sense that she _should_ love him…

 

* * *

 

 

Six days into their relationship Jake realizes that he’s sort of screwed. He’s already willing to give up so much for her. This isn’t light OR breezy. This is Black Tie, No Flannel, Wear a Flower In His Buttonhole NOT CASUAL. He would not wear fun socks. 

He is not who she’s meant for, on some level that matters to him, even if he never thought it would. She matters in a way that no one ever has before and again, dunno if anyone got the memo, _he certainly didn’t_ but it’s been SIX DAYS.

And Amy, sweet Amy is telling him not to stand up to the Vulture. She’s the voice of reason telling him not to risk everything he’s worked for on a six-day-old relationship.

Still, he finds that he can’t help but fight for them.

Jake was a relationship that snuck up on her. She was in the middle before she even realized she had begun. Where she had never been able to love romantically before, suddenly the intensity of the friendship they had had before shifted. The universe tilted, she fell through the looking glass, the came out the other side of the wardrobe. Suddenly the feelings of warmth and care she’d had for her friend Jake became something entirely new.

Not much changes for them after they start dating. They compete, they bother, they mock, they have fun together.

 

* * *

 

It takes him almost year to say “I Love You” because it takes Amy almost a year (minus a minute) to say it first. It’s a declaration that’s been on the tip of his tongue for a while and saying it is the herald of a new beginning. 

Because this is no longer just dating. This is Dating. This is wanna-be-with-her-forever, trust-her-with-all-my-secrets, would-die-happy-if-she-laughs-at-his-jokes Dating that falls into dangerous territory.

Because it is not his name on her back. And it’s not hers on his. But somehow they have wormed their way into each other’s hearts and Jake has the feeling that Amy’s destiny is right around the corner. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

And she’s the person he talks to about stuff like this. She’s the only one he wants to talk to. How do you tell someone that you’re not sure if you’ll be able to let them go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if it gets confusing on the Judaism front, I'll be happy to explain!
> 
> Also; New York Jews are weird and have weird terms for things that I don't always know. Sorry if I accidentally misrepresent them but as an actual real life Canadian Jew I have never called it Temple or a Yarmulke so...???


	4. Our Friendship is 'Little Girl Holding Little Boy's Hand'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake comes to a startling realization and immediately calls the person best equipped to help him: Gina. God help him.

One Saturday morning, Jake wakes up cold and alone. He had thrown off the bedding some time in the night, but distinctly remembers falling asleep with his favorite squishy furnace wrapped up in his arms only a few hours earlier.

 

Gingerly, Jake stumbles out of bed and searches through the tangle of sheets on the floor for his briefs.

 

The smell of coffee beckons him into the kitchen. On the fridge Amy has left him a note.

 

Good Morning Pineapples,

I went to the precinct to pick up some files so that I can work from home later. Don’t forget that we’re meeting my brother, Mateo @ 1 at that place where that one time you laughed so hard hot chocolate came out your nose. Meet you there!

 

Love you,

Ames <3

 

The world tilts on its axis. The cosmos rearrange themselves. The sun now revolves around this one moment and Jake suddenly can’t breathe.

 

He dashes back into the bedroom and grabs his phone off the nightstand. It’s 10:30, more than enough time for a good old-fashioned anxiety attack and a talk with Gina.

 

From: Jake

To: Giyoncé

_Come over RIGHT NOW._

He doesn’t receive a reply but she shows up in a record 15 minutes. He’s shocked she’s awake.

 

“What’s goin’ on Sweet Pea, ya seem a little worked up.” This is an understatement. He is still in his briefs, though he has pulled on a white undershirt (which is both inside out and backwards). His hair is a rumpled mess from running his hands through it. “You’ve got some real Uzo Aduba eyes goin’ on right now.”

 

“Who?”

 

“From Orange Is the New Black.”

 

Jake nods and steps back to continue pacing circles around the living room. Suddenly, he rips off his shirt and turns his back on Gina. “I need you to take a picture of my back.”

 

This is not the strangest thing that Jake has ever asked Gina to do. “Sure hon, but I don’t think you’re Terry-ready yet ya know? Maybe a couple more months at the gym instead of knitting scrapbook holders with your lame girlfriend or whatever you guys do on date night.”

 

“Sex. Sex is what we do on date night. Not HGTV, god Gina… I mean… No, I want you to take a picture of my mark.”

 

Gina, a huge believer that the tattooed ‘Chris’ on her back pertains to either Evans or Hemsworth, whips out her phone without hesitation and snaps three shots from different angles.

 

She has already somehow added a different Instagram filter to each one when she hands the phone over. Jake spends a solid ten minutes staring at the neat, evenly spaced letters. After that he dashes into the kitchen to retrieve the note Amy had left and compares the two.

 

Jake had not been lying all those years ago when he said that he has a man’s name tattooed behind his heart.

 

He shoves both the note and phone under Gina’s nose and demands she tell him what she sees.

 

With an eyebrow raised, Gina tells him exactly what he wants to hear. “ _Mateo_ , it’s written, like, the same.”

 

“YEAH!” And he’s so pumped about it.

 

“Clue me in to your strange little one-man party, amigo.”

 

“It’s the same!” he says excitedly, shaking her shoulders, unbothered by his state of nakedness. “This is so great.”

 

“That is true, whazzat mean?”

 

So Gina lounges on their floral patterned grandma couch as Jake explains why these things that he spent three decades railing against: destiny, soul mates, everlasting love and whatever, is the greatest thing to ever happen.

 

“Get to the point,” Gina moans, bored.

 

“It’s Amy’s handwriting on my back.”

 

“But…it’s not her name.”

 

“No, and that’s weird, but it could mean anything!”

 

“True…” she sucks her teeth and levels him with a pitying stare. “Jake, sweetie, it’s still not your name on her back.”

 

“Well… no,” he admits, despite the patches she wore (out of respect for him) he knows that if it was his name, she would have told him so. “But that’s, it’s, whatever, it’s fine… and… Look, so it’s not perfect. But now I know some hot guy named Mateo isn’t just gonna waltz in on date night and sweep me off my feet leaving Santiago in the dust. And that’s pretty comforting.”

 

“I don’t think anybody was holding their breath on that front.” Gina sighs. “Okay, just to play devil’s advocate here. What if her brother is your soulmate?”

 

Jake giggles for a moment but is then suddenly beset by horror because _what if he is?!_ He’s set to meet him for the first time. In an hour.

 

“Okay, no, never mind. Calm down.”

 

 


	5. Flowers For My Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake meets Mateo. Once, Amy had doubts.

_A year ago_

What with Jake’s many many psychological issues, one would not think that it’s Amy with the doubts.

 

“I don’t want to care, but I do! A little,” Amy sighs and falls back onto the couch. She slouches and looks up at him with lost, shining eyes. He doesn’t know what to say. “I’m terrified that one day one of us will just bump into someone on the street and that’ll be it. It’s happened before. That’s basically the foundation of my parents story.” She gets up and starts to pace. “I used to think it was so romantic. They were both dating other people, then one day a friend introduced them and that was it! What if that’s what this is, what if that’s what I am? A subplot in a story you’ll tell your kids someday.”

 

The urge to run does not come as it has in past arguments. He does not flee or make jokes. He does get angry. “What if that’s what _I_ am? So what? We’re just not supposed to live? This is all a big cosmic joke. _My_ parents were soulmates and look what happened to them!”

 

“Jake, I wish I could stop feeling this way, honestly I do! Do you think this is what I want?!” She rises to her feet and gets up in his personal space. “I hate myself for doing this to you. I- I need time. I just- ah-” her breaths come too quick, she’s having trouble getting the words out.

 

Meanwhile Jake has reached the end of his patience and understanding and has been lobbed straight into abandonment issues territory. Right where it hurts. “Take all the time in the world,” he grits, not meaning it, but unable to control his feet. They carry him to the door and he slams it behind him.

 

* * *

_Present_

It’s one of his stranger impulses but Jake stops at Ms. Eellowyn’s flower cart on the way to the diner. Ms. Eellowyn is a small woman with blonde hair and a welsh accent. She has never seen Lord of the Rings and he’s pretty sure she overcharged him for mentioning it.

 

So it goes that he shows up 30 minutes early with a handful of yellow roses and deep feelings of mortification and regret. He recognizes Mateo immediately, even though he’s never seen so much as a photo. Of all Amy’s brothers he looks the most like her. The bridge of his nose slopes in the same way, they share a strong chin and when he sits down, Mateo’s eyes scrunch and his cheeks dimple the way Amy’s do when she smiles.

 

“Hey,” says Mateo and Jake releases the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. Because the angels do not sing, light does not shine down on him from above. He does not feel like Jacob, like he’s married Leah while Rachel sits right in front of him. “You must be Jake.” Mateo holds out his hand and shakes Jake’s firmly.

 

“Amy’s going to be shamefully late, meaning exactly on time,” he informs Jake. And Jake sees that the promptness is a family trait or perhaps a product of their professions. Mateo had been deployed for almost as long as Jake and Amy had been together, which is why he’s the only one of the Santiagos that he hasn’t met.

 

Jake nods his head and fiddles with the stems of the roses poking out the bottom of the wrapper. He remains silent and deep in thought.

 

“You know, yellow’s my favorite, but you shouldn’t have,” Mateo’s smile is wry as he attempts to break the slightly older man’s tension.

 

“Yeah, I don’t really know what I was thinking.” Jake shrugs.

 

“So I’ve heard.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Amy talks about you a lot.”

 

Jake makes a grand effort of appearing less interested than he really is. “Oh really? What’s she sayin about me?”

 

“Sibling confidence. I’d never betray my darling sister that way.”

 

“Well that makes one of you guys.”

 

“What do you mean?” Mateo asks casually before pouring four sugars into his half drunk cup of coffee.

 

“Well I’ve met the rest of your family by now and every one of them is full of amazing and embarrassing stories. Loyalty is not strong in the Santiago clan.”

 

“That’s only because they like you.”

 

“Yeah, everyone except Javi.”

 

“Don’t feel too bad, Javi doesn’t like anybody.”

 

Javier is the oldest of the Santiago siblings and has spent his life watching out for the rest of the rabble.

 

Mateo is 10 months younger than Amy, they’d been in the same grade all throughout school. As the two youngests they were allies in the ongoing war against brotherly instigation. He remembers when Mateo graduated from ROTC. He and Amy had been partners only briefly, she’d bragged to everyone she talked to that week, including perps. Then later, after he’d been deployed to Afghanistan he’d found her crying in one of the janitorial closets. Every few weeks Jake stumbles upon Amy grinning at her laptop, Mateo’s voice answering her from across the world.

 

“We should get down to business,” he says in a way not dissimilar to Amy’s brass tax voice. “The soulmate thing. What makes you think you’re better than that?”

 

Jake instantly feels defensive. He forgets about his discovery this morning and his ruminations on what it might mean for them. He forgets that Mateo’s name is tattooed on his back. He forgets that they’re in public and that he should use his indoor voice. Out pours all the feelings that have been building up inside him for years. Every moment he’s looked at Amy and been sure fortifies him.

 

It all comes out in a rush. “I don’t know what you know about us, I don’t know what Amy has told you, but I don’t think you understand. I have been her partner for over ten years. I am sure of us like I’ve never been sure of anything. She makes me so happy and I work hard every day to make her feel the same.  I can’t imagine ever loving anyone more. We are more than destiny, we’re just- ah, I mean, it’s a choice you know? And I- what we have is so much better than anything else out there.”

 

“You would not hold up well under interrogation my friend,” says Mateo before signalling a waitress and Jake takes this to mean that the matter is settled.

 

They talk about inconsequential things, mostly Amy, until the woman herself shows up. When she does, Jake does in fact get to hear all of Mateo’s embarassing stories.

 

She’s sitting next to him, which makes it difficult, but Jake stares at her all through lunch. Her eyes shine as she watches him interact with her favorite brother. He’s so glad they did this. Meanwhile, he eats his waffles and bacon with his left hand. He refuses to let go of Amy’s. Their intertwined fingers sit in her lap the whole time and Jake is content.

 

“When we were little,” Mateo says over his pancakes, breaking a string of Teenaged Braceface Amy stories “Al, Tony and and Cisco used to gang up on us a lot. Their favorite game was to call us both Mateo.”

 

“Which was so dumb. I still don’t see why you were mad about it,” laughs Amy, “They called you _by your name!_ ” She tosses her scrunched up napkin at him.

 

“I don’t know!” he chortles. “Dad saw Amy’s ultrasound and they thought they were having another boy. Mateo was supposed to be her name but then surprise! Baby America.”

 

Amy snorts, “Honestly, is there anyone more patriotic than our parents?” she turns to Jake. “I haven’t subjected you to the Fourth of July at home yet, but _oh my god_.”

 

Jake doesn’t hear her because he’s suddenly ascended to another plane of existence. A goofy grin takes over his face, he has no more control over himself than if he were actually possessed. Who is the disney princess who has taken control of his mind? He’d seriously like to know.

 

He kisses Amy’s cheek and grins at her, still not saying a word.

 

She looks at him strangely, but it’s nice strange. Like he’s surprised her by doing something sweet. “Anyway. Point is, brothers are the wooooorst and I have way too many.”

  
“Hey!”


	6. 100 Million Chris-es and For Ever Person, One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake's fears are laid to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look an update ;)
> 
> After this, there's just the epilogue!
> 
> Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

That’s the thing, everyone has to have doubt sometimes.

Well, not Terry.

But everybody else does.

In a world where there is a sure thing that marks you, it is so easy to be uncertain about everything that inevitability entails. Having a name to hold onto does not make you whole. It does not make you wise, loving or safe. It gives you a mystery that you can spend a lifetime unravelling.

Marks are not mistakes but they can mean infinite things. They are changeable, malleable like a life.

Charles lost a woman he never knew, but he got a new mark.

Holt never had a name to grasp at all.

There are 100 million Chris- _es_ in this world, Gina could probably have her pick.

Jake’s mark is a misnomer, a mistaken identity, a name that got passed along to the next sibling when it didn’t fit.

Marks, like life, make no promises.

Amy has struggled with this all her life. She has oscillated between wanting to know and not, seeking him out and running away.

She knows his name.

But when she looks at Jake: grinning from across their desks, burrito-blanketed in her bed, above her, below her, beside her, surrounding her in all aspects of her life… She wants to forget. She wishes for a different world.

She wears her patches faithfully and acts like she doesn’t constantly feel like the world is ending.

Amy doesn’t want to believe in soul mates, she wants no part of it.

The thing is though, that Amy has never had much control over what she wanted.

She believes in destiny, and desperately, horribly, with her entire heart, wishes she didn’t.

* * *

 

Jake has always had a name tattooed on his back, same as pretty much everybody else. 

The thing is though, he never actually believed that he’d get it. Love has not manifested as advertised. Not for his mom, not for him.

Honestly, he always kind of assumed he’d die alone, attended to by Boyle. It’s why he tries very hard not to think about it.

He’s a fickle guy, that changes pretty quickly when the _possibility_ appears that Amy could be his soulmate. It’s everything. He wants it so bad. He wants her like he’s never wanted anything.

For two years he’s had her. They’ve shared their lives. They’ve fallen in love. They’ve said the words, _done the_ _deed_ and built something lasting, together.

Thing is, he’s always been so afraid of losing her. It’s a combination of anxiety, the uncertainty of being an unbeliever and the super fun abandonment issues from his dad. Their bond is tentative in his eyes because he knows she believes. He knows that it isn’t him she’s meant to be with.

So maybe he believes a little after all.

 

* * *

 

_A Year Ago_

The fight resumes, not with a bang, but with a whimper.

They weren’t living together yet but they had keys to each other’s places, drawers and cupboard space, spare toothbrushes by both sinks.

Jake curls in on himself under his dingy covers, on the mattress he bought specifically for her, in his tiny, terrible apartment. He doesn’t want to be here, and lately, hardly ever is.

His rage has cooled to shivering frustration and dull fear. This infuriating, consistent, ridiculous woman is just… incapable of letting him love her apparently. Which is awesome news. So great. 

He does not regret storming out. How much is a guy supposed to take? She told him her fears, that she couldn’t help her feelings, but honesty does not unbreak his heart. What do you do when the woman you love is waiting for one of you to leave?

You retreat and stew. 

He’s been unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep for half an hour when the door to his bedroom swings open and lets the hall light in. The carpeted floor creaks when someone walks across it, but the bed no longer groans like it used to, when the mattress dips. 

Jake finds his blankets being yanked at and stolen. 

Amy buries her face in his chest and wraps her arms and legs around him, as if to keep him from escaping. 

He sighs.

“We’re not done fighting,” she grumbles petulantly into his sleepshirt. “But I’d rather be with you than not be with you.”

“…”

“I can’t help the way I feel. I have to be able to talk to you about that kind of stuff, even when it’s hard. You can’t run away.”

“It hurts… when you say stuff like that.”

“Jake?” her fingers flex on his bicep, “I’m afraid.”

“Me too.”

The fight is far from over, but at least he knows they’re fighting for each other.

* * *

He doesn’t believe. He _doesn’t_. But the _possibility_ is enough. He wants to. So so badly.

 

* * *

 

They leave the diner and head back towards their apartment. The walk is silent and contemplative; Jake keeps bumping the back of her hand with his. Eventually her thoughtful look turns into a helpless grin and she decisively threads her fingers through his and squeezes.

She keeps sneaking glances up at him. It makes him feel all warm and squishy inside.

Jake can’t feel his face anymore. He’s felt breathless for hours. Learning that Amy is his soulmate has fixed something that he didn’t know was broken.

It never mattered when she wasn’t. He loved her all the same. He wanted to be with her, no matter what. He’d meant what he’d told Mateo; that destiny was nothing to what they had. It’s real, built on a foundation of friendship, trust and shared experiences. Not something so tenuous as fate.

But it matters now, because this is certain. This is validation and vindication for all the times when either of them had doubts.

His face is numb from grinning so hard. Without thinking he extricates his hand from hers and puts an arm around her shoulders. He pulls her in and places a sweet kiss on her forehead. 

It’s at this point that he realizes that she’s crying. 

“Wh-what, Amy? What’s wrong?!” He stops suddenly and careens around. 

She’s smiling and crying and shrugging her shoulders at the same time, having great difficulties keeping it together. “I’m fine, I swear. I totally am.” 

“I am getting some very mixed signals from you right now.”

“Jake.” She says his name like an affectionate sigh.

And then she slides to the ground.

With one knee firmly planted on the concrete sidewalk and the other at a perfect right angle in front of her, she takes his hands and looks up. Her eyes are sparkling.

“Amy?”

“Jake, I’ve been thinking about how to do this for while now. I couldn’t figure out the best way to do this. I thought maybe it should be just the two of us, but then I thought you’d want a big production, with the whole squad and everything…”

She reaches into her pocket and withdraws a box. It dark blue velvet. Absurdly he thinks about how it matches his nicest tie.

“And we’re definitely going to do that one. They’re actually all waiting at our apartment.” 

It’s at this moment that he realizes that Amy is wearing one of the kneepads from when they re-grouted the kitchen. Always prepared.

“But I literally could not wait a second longer to tell you… to ask you,” she takes a deep fortifying breath. “I love you. I am going to love you forever. I don’t have any doubts anymore. I don’t care what’s _supposed_ to happen, what might happen or whatever life has in store for us. This is it. What we have is beautiful because we choose it, every day. I want you and I need you. You’re my partner,” she giggles, she can’t help it, “In the field and in life. Jake Peralta, will you marry me?”

Because Amy always has stellar timing, this is when she opens the ring box. Inside is a white gold ring. It’s smooth, round and has beveled edges. She plucks it out and puts the box in her pocket.

He realizes that he’s about to miss his cue. “YeAH,” his voice cracks. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. Will you marry _me?_ I mean-” She cuts him off by surging upwards into a kiss. It’s messy and a little wet, they’re both crying and laughing. “A thousand times _yes_!” they laugh harder. 

* * *

 

The proposal in front of the squad is a lot more high key.

There are live fireworks in the apartment. The less said about it all, the better.

“Did Gina know?”

“Are you kidding?”

“Yeah, fair point.”


End file.
